| Step 1.
Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your arm as if holding a baby. Position your forefinger and thumb of the oppostite hand on either side of the cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to the cheeks while holding a pill within your hand. As the cat opens it's mouth, pop in the pill. Allow the cat to close it's mouth and swallow.
Step 2.
Retrieve the pill from the floor and the cat from behind the couch. Cradle cat and repeat process.
Step 3.
Retreive cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.
Step4.
Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in arms holding rear paws tightly. Force jaws open and force pill to back of mouth with forefinger.Hold mouth shut and count to ten.
Step5.
Retreive pill from gold fish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call husband from garden.
Step6.
Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get husband to hold cat's head firmly and drop pill gently into mouth, and rub throat vigorously.
Step7.
Untangle cat from drapes, sweep broken china from hearth. Take new pill from foil wrap.
Get husband to wrap cat in large towel, making sure all four legs are well secured. Repeat step 6.
Step 8
While waiting for the emergency services to retreive cat from top of tree put bandaid on husbands hand, clean blood from carpet, and change T-shirt.
It is quite important at this stage to blame husband, berfore you start to feel inadequate. Start a To Do list- check tetanus jab is still valid, phone divorce lawyer etc.
Step 9
Wrap cat in towel again. Put pill in drinking staw and blow into cats mouth.
Step 10
Check label to make sure pills are not harmful to humans and drink a glass of water to take away taste.
Take the last pill from foil wrap. Tie the cat's front paws to the rear and bind securely to the dining room table. Wrap the pill in a small piece of fillet steak. The cat should eat it quite willingly.
Step 11
Get husband to drive you to emergency room. Try to stay calm while doctor removes pieces of pill from your eye and stitches the bite.Finally call local pet rescue centre to inquire about exchanging the cat for a dog- or a hampster, a gerbil, a rat or anything.
|
